Getting Over a Breakup
No, I didn't write this post for ME (I am happily attached and committed, thank you!). I'm actually thinking about sending this to a very good friend, who is in this very situation at this point.I have to admit, it is not easy coming out of a breakup. It's that one point in your life when you need all the friends you can find, all the happy times you can probably spend with them, just to get your mind off things. Nothing can be as complicated as getting over the stage of emptiness, moving on and re-aligning your life back to singlehood.
Of course, I am not speaking in a general sense because almost always, it's a different case for ever person. For some people, coping with a loss of a significant person is like the end of the world; for some, it calls for a celebration of freedom; and yet for most people, it is a painful three stage journey back into singlehood.
What are the different stages, you might ask. Please don't quote me for this because these opinions are all my own and no psychological book was used to derive whatever is written in this blog. (DISCLAIMER: The writer is not in anyway responsible if you end your life after reading this.)
Anyway, here it goes...
REALIZATION & ACCEPTANCE is the first and probably the most difficult stage. It is at this point when one person has to swallow every bit of pride, regret and what ifs and see things from outside the emotional self. Easier said than done but once a person has seen the flaws and objectively qualified the situation, acceptance becomes easy.
MOVING ON is the next stage after acceptance. Once a person has rid himself of all the attachments, anger, pain and regrets, he is able to move on with his life. With moving on, it is essential that one realizes the wealth of wisdom from the experience and learn to live, not by finding happiness thru his attachments, but by finding a connection directly to the source. I don't care if you call it Allah, Buddha, God, A Divine Being...for me it is all the same. In order to move on, one doesn't need to find someone else to be with. One can only say for certain that he has moved on when he can be happy for the other person who has made his life miserable, whe he can stand on his own two feet. The true test of moving on is to find happiness, not from your attachments, but from simply being happy, without any emotional baggages...that is pure bliss!
FINDING LOVE AGAIN You say it's a vicious cycle, I say it is the natural order of things. The ultimate proof that you have truly moved on and ready to embrace the next stage is when someone wills and puts himself, in love again... Regardless if it's a renewed commitment to God or in being able to love in the context of being in a relationship again...finding love again is not peanuts because after coming from a breakup, one tends to build a fortress around his heart, wary of being hurt again...but love moves in mysterious ways...and you can never say for certain when it will come along. When it hits you, it hits you real hard.
There is no shortcut to coping with a breakup. Every road leads to each of the three stages,in a particular order. No changing courses, no cutting corners, no jumping straight into the last stage. After a breakup, you may find someone else to be with on the very next day, but u can never transfer your feelings just like that. If u truly loved the other person from ur past, it would take time for you to heal ur wounds and love again. You can only love truly, madly, deeply when you have passed the first 2 stages.
This is no formulaic way of looking at things but from a rationale point of view coupled with little heartaches and experiences here and there, this may just be the only way to gracefully say "Next, please!"
posted by `teardrop @ 1/25/2006 10:43:00 AM
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