amplified breathing

Bit by bit I die everyday...

2006-04-04T12:36:00.000Z

Lately, I've been having these waves of depression hitting me really hard for a lot of reasons. Life indeed has a way of teaching you things you never even want to learn... and yes, people you don't even want to have to deal with!

I have always been a fighter, but I have also known deep down inside I will break someday soon. I guess I am nearing this point in my life.

I don't want to sound so morbid, but I can almost feel the peace and that "irresistible lightness of being" that emanates from the white ray of light beckoning me to move forward and leave by body behind.

Before I get hitched to my next destination, let me leave you a piece of my heart and what it beats for every single day. No matter how small or insignificant this may be to you, I want you to know that I LOVE YOU. I do not have any riches to offer. I only have LOVE to give. Especially for the people who are closest to my heart: hunee, my family, my nieces & nephews, and people who are really my friends through and through. I hope you will take my love with you wherever you go, wherever I may be... even when I no longer exist in this plane.

For the people who have caused me this much pain: REJOICE! You have succeeded in your conquest. Congratulations! You have just made someone's life a miserable, living hell. I salute you for taking it one step further. You are truly blessed. and may you have countless more blessings your way until the angel of death will come fetch me, then you too will have experienced the kind of happiness you have always wanted.

HCC Delivers - April Week 1 and 2 Menu

2006-03-31T08:57:00.000Z

Hi guys,

I'm not sure if you've heard of this but it should save you a few bucks. Personally, I think this is the coolest and newest thing there is about working in Makati. If you don't get paid as much as your directors and managers and you want to stash away a few bucks for your own piece of property or a new camera or even a new car or cellphone or have enough money to splurge on your travels, think about this!

A normal fast food meal nowadays would cost you Php100.00/meal x 2 meals (if you're really saving up for that grand car and would rather skip breakfast) that totals Php200.00 at the very least. With HCC, you only pay Php45.00/meal x 2 = Php 90.00 per day! And not just that, HCC has ZERO minimum for orders (aaah, I should get a free meal for this plug!). So even if you're the only one left in the office, you don't need to worry about ordering more. HCC delivers even if you need just a single lunchbox for yourself! Think about cashflow 101 and a healthier lifestyle... no need to line up at the cafeteria at lunch, no need to get wet under the rain... your meals just arrive to you, without having to place an order on a daily basis... and the best part of it all... you can order online - just send an email to lunch@box.com.ph

Think about smart alternatives! As their mantra says "Good Food DOESN'T have to be expensive!!!" Too good to be true?!

Here check out a copy of HCC Delivers! menu for April
You may also download a copy of this at their website... HCC Delivers!

In a State of Emergency

2006-02-24T13:21:00.000Z

Seriously, I've heard this uttered so many times by our president, I am starting to feel apathetic about this whole thing. But seeing the massive amount of people walking towards Paseo this afternoon made me think twice about it.

I was smack right in the middle of Ayala, just about to cross to the other side of the street, when Cory and her allies marched towards the Ninoy Aquino monument in Paseo de Roxas. My first instinct was, should I stay for a while and say a prayer with them? The rational side of my brain told me not to. It was just too risky and besides I had some business to do somewhere else.

Walking away from the crowd, I felt sorry I didn't have my camera with me. Damn! It's one of those days when you feel you're the most unlucky person in the world. I should have known to bring it with me today... I knew fully well I was to witness this rally... we have been forewarned.

Oh well...sometimes shit happens.

Leyte and Philippine Politics

2006-02-21T11:56:00.000Z

Yesterday, it was Ormoc. Now, it is Leyte. Tomorrow, where will tragedy strike?

I was just watching the footage of Leyte's St. Bernard 2 days before it was stricken with the tragedy that we as a nation, are now facing. Lush green vegetation covered an entire area that has now become a pile of mud with dead bodies buried six feet under. How could we have allowed this to happen to our lands?

We have seen this happen before. We have long recognized the fact that we have been unprepared to face a number of calamities. But what have we done about it? In the greater scheme of things, it is not always how we react to certain situations that happen, but it is on what we have done before things could happen. A lot of things, a lot of deaths could have been prevented. Proactive. We all know what that means. We all know what that takes. But almost always, we all know we are too busy to help other people save their lives.

Leyte - we knew it was going to happen. It would probably take some time and an extremely huge amount of rainfall to make this mudslide happen...but it COULD happen. And it DID HAPPEN. The likelihood of it happening was probably at 50%. Risk? Probably. What was the mitigation plan? What was the contigency plan? NONE. ZERO. NIL.

Why? Only 1/3 of that land is populated. How many votes does that translate to? Only a few. So there my friends is your answer. Where the votes count, the money goes. That is the spirit of Philippine politics.

Pardon my sarcasm but truly, I am equally amazed and annoyed about the state of our nation. First, we have taxpayers who DO NOT enjoy the benefits of their taxes, as much as the masses and non-taxpayers do. Second, we have a government who is tolerating squatters and people who are sucking out the funds coming from the taxes of hardworking people, in exchange for VOTES. Third, we have people pointing fingers in the face of tragedy. Fourth, we have athletes who make money just a little bit above the minimum wage. Fifth, we have engineering works that are not coordinated leaving roads drilled, closed, drilled closed, drilled, closed all year long. And lastly, we have substandard roads in our central business districts where most of the taxes are filed and paid.

Indeed. Only in the Philippines.

But despite all that, I love being a Filipino. Today, I hope this will be the last tragedy we will allow to devastate our lands. Tommorow, I pray that we will continue to rise up to the challenge and make a difference.

Happy Heart's Day!

2006-02-14T02:59:00.000Z

Love is in the air...flowers and chocolates everywhere...

and cars are in the street... TRAFFIC!!!

Take care and enjoy your day!

Painting shelves ain't no easy job

2006-02-11T14:07:00.000Z

I hired a cleaning lady to help me do some general cleaning in my condo yesterday. While helping her move stuff around the kitchen, I couldn't stand the stench coming from the side where the stockroom is located. It smelled of moist boxes that have not dried up for quite sometime and for lack of a proper exhause in that area, the stench seems to be stuck within its walls. You know how it's like with stock room... as you stay longer in one place, more stuff gets added and then it gets filled up with unnecessary garbage that may not be totally rotten, but somehow useless.

So today I hired a carpenter to tear down the wall separating the kitchen and the stockroom. In a way, I liked it because it meant extending my kitchen a little bit more, giving me more space for my new kitchen gadgets and some more space to use with other culinary equipment that are yet to come. Since the wood are still pretty much useful, I decided to have him create some shelves and other stuff that I can use to showcase my DVDs! Ha! That's what you call recycling! I just love it!!! whoever coined that term - I saved more than 2k bucks on shelves and other useful stuff that were made out of the now defunct stockroom wall.

To get things moving a little quicker, I decided to help out with the painting. I've always been amazed with paint and rollers everytime I go to my dad's construction site when I was a kid. Seeing the paint and roller that the carpenter/handyman had with him, I asked if I could help him paint the shelves he just crafted for my DVDs. A realization came over me today as I was doing it - Painting shelves ain't no easy job after all. But the smell of paint was quite addicting in a way - it reminded me of HOME! Now I'm feeling a wee bit nostalgic - I miss my dad!

now...i'm off to give him a quick call! til my next post!

Experiencing Ortigas at its finest... and sadly ugliest face at night

2006-02-03T15:45:00.000Z

Today was not my typical workday. First off, it was my first time to report to Ortigas. I had to take some sort of training to get this prestigious access to our SAP boxes, which I'm really not sure I will be using. Anyway, it was really cool - the office I mean. And its proximity to Megamall and Shangri-la Mall was just great! I feel so lucky I don't have to go there everyday or else I would end up empty-handed midway through the month out of shopping! (Boy, do I love to shop!)

It was my first time to experience working in Ortigas since the 4 years I have been working here in Manila and it was really great! I enjoyed the night, especially talking to my friend Ria over dinner about all things bright and beautiful...about how life has been really good to us... and how we dream of being able to reach that loftier plane of existence in all aspects - spiritual, mental and physical.

After coaching ourselves and planning our short and long term goals, we decided to stop by Toby's to check out nice exercise equipment. I kind of like the boxing bag - I've always wanted to have one in my own home and now that I have pretty much a huge enough place to have a mini gym at home, I think I can finally get my own punching bag and...maybe throw in a stationary bike with that..if someone would give that to me for free, I won't dare say no! hahaha!

Anyway, so much for my goals. I did a little window shopping here and there, checked out Clarity - this is a step towards the fulfillment of my goal to undergo microdermabrasion in the next few weeks. I'm still not decided (I still have unfounded fears on the procedure) but their rates were relatively ok compared to the popular C and B group... so I just might go there for my treatment - although I'm pretty much willing to give B a shot (despite being outrageously expensive!) if and only if I get the guarantee that my scars are really going to go away. hehe!

It was really nice malling in Shang. Shopping and of course - finishing up my steak! hahahaha! I felt so at home. Its one of the malls I really love going to, although there's rarely something that I can afford to buy... which, in hindsight, is a good thing that way I get to keep my purse tucked away! hehehhe!

On my way home though it was a different story. Everything I saw at the Shang, people having wine and dressed so fashionably, wearing all these glittery accessories and jewelry...reality bit me on my way home. Snuck right at the back of the prestigious Shangrila Mall, along Shaw blvd and under the flyover was the complete opposite of what I saw... there were a dozen or two kids between 3-19 years old(my guess), sniffing rugby and trying to do all these pranks in the street. It was really scary being inside the cab, stalled in terrible traffic and these guys (who are obviously high on drugs or something) flashing their asses at every passers by in that street. More than the fear though, pity came over me when I saw an infant, with the mother carrying him around, in the street, while she joins her troops of rugby sniffers.

My pity turned to anger at how we can ignore these kids, sniffing rugby in the middle of a busy street, so blatantly showing to the public that they're invincible... What kind of future do we expect from these young people? How do we expect our country to rise up to these challenging times when we are cultivating the next generation of criminals? Sad sad reality. Sometimes, it really does sting a bit when reality bites you...

Getting Over a Breakup

2006-01-25T10:43:00.000Z

No, I didn't write this post for ME (I am happily attached and committed, thank you!). I'm actually thinking about sending this to a very good friend, who is in this very situation at this point.

I have to admit, it is not easy coming out of a breakup. It's that one point in your life when you need all the friends you can find, all the happy times you can probably spend with them, just to get your mind off things. Nothing can be as complicated as getting over the stage of emptiness, moving on and re-aligning your life back to singlehood.

Of course, I am not speaking in a general sense because almost always, it's a different case for ever person. For some people, coping with a loss of a significant person is like the end of the world; for some, it calls for a celebration of freedom; and yet for most people, it is a painful three stage journey back into singlehood.

What are the different stages, you might ask. Please don't quote me for this because these opinions are all my own and no psychological book was used to derive whatever is written in this blog. (DISCLAIMER: The writer is not in anyway responsible if you end your life after reading this.)

Anyway, here it goes...

REALIZATION & ACCEPTANCE is the first and probably the most difficult stage. It is at this point when one person has to swallow every bit of pride, regret and what ifs and see things from outside the emotional self. Easier said than done but once a person has seen the flaws and objectively qualified the situation, acceptance becomes easy.

MOVING ON is the next stage after acceptance. Once a person has rid himself of all the attachments, anger, pain and regrets, he is able to move on with his life. With moving on, it is essential that one realizes the wealth of wisdom from the experience and learn to live, not by finding happiness thru his attachments, but by finding a connection directly to the source. I don't care if you call it Allah, Buddha, God, A Divine Being...for me it is all the same. In order to move on, one doesn't need to find someone else to be with. One can only say for certain that he has moved on when he can be happy for the other person who has made his life miserable, whe he can stand on his own two feet. The true test of moving on is to find happiness, not from your attachments, but from simply being happy, without any emotional baggages...that is pure bliss!

FINDING LOVE AGAIN You say it's a vicious cycle, I say it is the natural order of things. The ultimate proof that you have truly moved on and ready to embrace the next stage is when someone wills and puts himself, in love again... Regardless if it's a renewed commitment to God or in being able to love in the context of being in a relationship again...finding love again is not peanuts because after coming from a breakup, one tends to build a fortress around his heart, wary of being hurt again...but love moves in mysterious ways...and you can never say for certain when it will come along. When it hits you, it hits you real hard.

There is no shortcut to coping with a breakup. Every road leads to each of the three stages,in a particular order. No changing courses, no cutting corners, no jumping straight into the last stage. After a breakup, you may find someone else to be with on the very next day, but u can never transfer your feelings just like that. If u truly loved the other person from ur past, it would take time for you to heal ur wounds and love again. You can only love truly, madly, deeply when you have passed the first 2 stages.

This is no formulaic way of looking at things but from a rationale point of view coupled with little heartaches and experiences here and there, this may just be the only way to gracefully say "Next, please!"

Let's Celebrate LOVE

2006-01-24T15:20:00.000Z

Yesterday was not my typical Monday. Yesterday was a special day because we were going to celebrate the birthays of 2 of my closest friends from college - Donna and Kaye. At 7PM sharp, I hit the streets of Makati heading straight to Rustan's to meet up with another good friend of mine - Ria. I was gonna buy me something expensive to splurge my 2.5K worth of gift cheque on (it is expiring very very soon) but couldn't find anything that I needed there, so we decided it wasn't a good day to shop. So we went off emptihanded and decided to get something kikay for the celebrants instead... While picking our gifts, I saw a nice powder brush that seems to work just right for me, so I got myself one too! (Arrgggh, I hate it when I buy things on impulse!)

Armed with our nice kikay gifts, we went straight to greenbelt 3 where we met up with Donna...Waited a bit for Kaye to show up. It was really sad that kaye had to raincheck at the last minute but it must be something really urgent because they had to pull out of the parking lot to go home...

anyway, back to my story...

Over dinner at the National Sports Grill, we talked about breakups, heartaches and winning a guy back. A hypothetical question came up: How worth it is it, to win someone back, when he is already courting someone else?

Several times I had to replay the question over and over in my head, there remains only 2 sides to the coin.

Option 1 is like an uphill climb. Yes, there is a potential for reconciliation but a very bleak hope for the future. If girl #1 would ask the guy to get back with her and the guy agrees to go back with her and drop the girl he's now courting, that would seem like the perfect romantic ending. But one person gets the butt of all heartaches, the girl the guy is now courting. Besides, getting back together is no guarantee that they will indeed have a happy relationship. Will you be happy together knowing that one person got hurt along the way? Or will it make you happy that the guy chose you over her, but you know deep in your heart he already fell for her? Ok, now I am sounding so cynical again, but sometimes, things like these are just meant not to last forever. What if they were just pushing it to far? But then again, what if it was really meant to be? Aaaah, the typical pinoy love triangle.

Well, like any story, there is yet another possibility... and that would be for both of them to just move on with their lives. Personally, I think this will be the option that would work for me if I were in the same predicament... but that's only because I'm looking at the situation from the outside. If I'm part of the real deal, I wouldn't know what to do either. Throughout my discernment, I realized there will only love knows what the right choice is, if we follow our hearts and follow God.

I realized that no matter where our conversation led... It all came home to a niche - LOVE is God's gift to US... In so many ways, God sends us the message of His Love... LOVE in its purest and simplest sense..no complications whatsoever. In its truest form, LOVE defies reason or anything existential for that matter. It became obvious to me what God wanted to tell us - Love is letting go and letting God take over our lives.

I don't mean to start a debate here but for once in my life, I felt God speaking to me thru my closest friends last night, telling me how much He loves me. And I want to share this LOVE with everyone who happens by this blog. I may not be your super religious goody-two-shoes kind of girl, but I do pray and I do have a personal relationship with God.

Last night, I had this message from God... "God loves you, me, all of us....each one of his children. Wherever we stand in this lifetime, God wills it for us. His love for us is all-emcompassing, unconditional. Sometimes, in the most unfortunate situations in our life, God speaks to us, to send us His message of Love. When we have shut the doors on Him, God will always find a way into our hearts, and there is no escaping His love. Sometimes, when we feel like the whole world is conniving to hurt us and to crush our hearts and our sense of well-being, we often cry and whine about the things that could have been, or the what ifs that we've had to deal with... More often than not, it is simply because we have not opened our hearts wide enough to allow God's to fill our hearts with His love."

I have to put this in words because I also forget to coach myself sometimes and I need to be reminded ever so often that we don't need to experience adversities and pain or await being hurt in order to see clearly and feel the immensity of God's love because he offers it to us freely, no holds barred.

I don't mean to be all preachy but I hope that through this humble post, God has made it into your hearts today...

Remember that every drop of tear that falls from our eyes, every pot of gold that goes into our bank accounts, every shred of fear that wraps our heart, and every ray of sunshine that we experience in this life, all these are manifestations of God's love for us.

Today, I would like to celebrate LOVE with a big hug and "thank you!" all the wonderful people in this world who have made me cry, made me laugh, made me strong, made me angry, made me love every moment of my life...I LOVE YOU!

Total Knockout - Pacman wins in round 10!!!

2006-01-22T05:19:00.000Z

Yahhhuuuu!!! Today marks another victory for Philippine Boxing as Manny "PACMAN" Pacquiao wins the Pacquiao-Morales rematch by simulataneously knocking down Erik "El Terrible" Morales on the 10th round.

Pacquiao started as the underdog at the start of the match with a 10-9, 9-10, 10-9, 10-9, 10-9 from rounds 1-5 with Morales on the lead, later reclaiming victory as he continued his play in the suceeding rounds with a series of combination punches that rendered Morales grasping for breath.

On the 10th round of the 12-round match, Pacquiao resumed his body and head attack that put Morales down for the first time in his whole career. Struggling to fight back, Morales attempted to rise up but Pacquiao attacked him again, sending him against the ropes for a 2nd knockout.

Pacquiao was declared winner by TKO, by Referre Kenny Bayless.

Check out full story on ESPN: http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/boxing/news/story?id=2300980

Let me share with you a secret

2006-01-21T05:34:00.000Z

I'm 26 as I type this post. Today, I woke up in a pensive mood. Opened my laptop and tried to plow back memories of small triumphs and painful heartaches I've had to endure along the way to see how far I've come along to where I am today. From where I sit now, I can say for certain I have not gone far enough and there's way a lot more to go, a lot more to work for, to take me where I want to be. Let me share with you a secret list that I have written a long time back (way back in High School).These are pieces of my dreams and where I want to see myself one day. The items on a different color are some of the things I have already achieved. This comes in no particular order and some of the things may no longer apply.

PLACES I WANT TO VISIT

Boracay
Bohol
Cebu
Palawan
Subic
Baguio
London
Paris
Venice
Italy
Rome
Germany
Switzerland
United States
Macau
HongKong
Australia
Africa
Singapore
Ireland
Bali
Amanpulo
Dubai, UAE
India
Nepal
Vietnam
Mexico
Cayman Islands
Hawaii
Bahamas
China
Japan
Egypt
Greece
Alaska
Canada

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE

The Louvre
Disneyland
Sentosa
Ocean Park
Victoria Peak
Jumbo Floating Restaurant
The White House
The Pantheon
The Taj Mahal
Stonehenge
The Hanging Gardens
The Rice Terraces of Banawe
The Big Ben
The Parliament House
Westminster Abbey
See the London Bridge
The Dungeon
The Champs Elysees
The Eiffel Tower
The Leaning Tower of Pisa
Universal Studios
Magic Mountain
A real igloo and eskimo

THINGS I WOULD LOVE TO DO ONE DAY

Ride a Gondola with the one I love
Lose Weight
Try Bungee Jumping
Meet a Pied Piper
Try Parasailing
Drive a Jetski
Learn to Drive a Car
Learn to Drive a Bike
Visit a Castle
Ride a Banana Boat
Do Ice Skating
Learn to rollerblade
Backpack across Europe
Splurge in Las Vegas
See a West End Play in London
Go to a Rock Concert
Ride a helicopter
Sing in a big crowd
Shop til I drop, without any worries
Build a kite and fly it
Do a 5km run
Do a 10km run
Win a tennis championship
Ride the subway in New York
Go in an African Safari
Hike and climb a mountain
Learn to change a tire
Learn to rapel
Treat my parents to a nice vacation
Make a very significant contribution to my alma mater - Urios College
Go into culinary school
Bake a real good chocolate cake
Give a very memorable gift to my siblings
Fall madly, deeply in love

THINGS I WANT TO HAPPEN TO MY LIFE

Be 101% Debt Free!
Have my own family
Have my own kid(s)
Marry the man I love and who loves me more
Happiness
Become a successful nurse (This may no longer apply)
Earn an MBA
Go into Law School on my own money
Have my own restaurant
Have my own pre-school or learning center for kids
Do non-IT jobs like resort receptions, tour guide, make up artist, stylist, chef or barista
Land on a magazine shoot
Have an exhibit of my work
Have my own car
Build my own house

I have a hell lot more to go before I can turn all these into blue but I know someday, my lucky break will come.

Boredom

2006-01-17T09:32:00.000Z

Hit me baby one more time! No, the song has nothing to do with what I'm feeling right now... although I could really use some hugs and a little bit of lovin' ...and maybe a nice movie to watch! I feel kind of crappy today. Damn it, I am sooooo bored!!! Geeeez, what's up with Tuesdays?!? Is it just me waking up on the wrong side of the bed or is it really just one hell of a boring day?

I had a massage last night. Nothing fancy. Just your dial a massage home service. Can't compare with the services at other famous spa and wellness centers in Makati. I wish I could find time and money to go to one soon. In a real hotel ambience...aaaaahhh i'm wishful thinking again.

But really, I think I need some time off. I need to decompress! Just one weekend that's free of hassles, free from thinking numbers, free from doing errands, free of having to slave over the household chores... damn right, this is something I need real bad. A vacation made in heaven - A weekend at the Westin and dinnner at the Jumbo Floating Restaurant would be nice (saw the post in Anton's blog)... and oh yes... Flowers and Chocolates... I love them both, like any spoiled brat like me would!

Now that reminds me... Where has my chocolate cake gone?!? I've been craving for Margie's Kitchen's Cookie Monster for weeks now... but I never got any! Hmmmmpppptttt! It's been days since I've been dying to have that moist chocolatey goodness of Cookie Monster melting in my mouth. Just the thought of it is killing me right now.

A weekend that was

2006-01-15T04:33:00.000Z

I had 2 major activities this weekend, doing a test drive of my soon-to-be car and cooking rich meaty cheesy yummy spaghetti for dinner. Well, aside from watching Phil-Kor Invitational Tennis games at the Olivarez Tennis Club in Paranaque and nipping by the salon for a quick foot spa, manicure and pedicure :-)

All these, and just kicking back having a good time with Hunee, at home, is probably one of those weekends that I love best. No malling these days - I gotta keep my finances in top shape, or else I will never turn my top ten goals for 2006 a reality.

My food blog

2006-01-11T02:37:00.000Z

Out of boredom and a slight dose of insomnia, I finally created my very own food blog - with my first entry on Heaven and Eggs! :-) If you happen to have the luxury of time to do a blog-reading trip, please do visit The Accidental Chef. I intend to update it regularly with my kitchen experiments and culinary adventures.

Shooting for the stars

2006-01-05T10:32:00.000Z

I have been contemplating on creating my very own food blog. Lori's food blog totally got me screwed on desserts and I have been going back to the Cold Rock Creamery for 2 nights in a row now (and I'm still craving for it up to this hour!!!).

Well, so much for desserts, let me jot down 10 things that I hope to achieve before the end of 2006. Really some of the things in my list may be shooting for the stars, but what the heck, I may just get them anyway:

1. Get my own brand new car!
2. Get the food business running.
3. Buy our (me and my hunee's) first Digital SLR and a nice lens to go with it
4. Lose weight. A lot of it.
5. Attend cooking class at either Henny Sison's or at Amici.
6. Attend a photography class.
7. Get certified!
8. Have at least one Asian AND one North American trip.
9. Spend at least 3 days in tropical paradise! I don't care if it's Boracay, Palawan or Panglao!
10. Take pork and beef and rice partially or totally out of my diet.

Looking at my list, they look a little bit difficult to attain, but somehow doable. I just hope I get number #1 before the end of the 1st quarter! hehe :-) I am soooo looking forward to drive my Jazz around the block! h*winkz* eh!

Looking back

2005-12-19T14:02:00.000Z

I just browsed thru my previous blog and realized how much hassle it took me to purchase my plane ticket going home. In retrospect, I think God never meant for me to go home for the holidays. Could this be a premonition? I don't know and I hope not. Maybe God was whispering to me that day not to buy my ticket coz I won't be going home anyway. Now I realize I was so stupid not to listen.

Just when everything is all set, some stupid crap comes up and ruins everything for you (and hell no, it's not work-related!) ... this one really made me change my mind for good. This is what I hate so much about the holidays. Well, for one traffic sucks real bad. But most especially I hate it when people make use of the holidays to capitalize on a lot of things, even to the point of sacrificing relationships. I just hate that.

Why can't some people be happy for you for once in your life? How can someone you respect and adore turn things around to hurt you? How could someone you love betray you? Why does shit have to happen?

I can go on and on and on and on asking the same questions and I will never ever find the answers. I guess I have one thing to be thankful for and that is having someone close to me to hold on to...someone who is there to dry my tears away and to help me keep my sanity in tact. At this point, this is the only reason I try my hardest to live each day, one day at a time.

reflections from this weekend

2005-11-14T06:47:00.000Z

Nothing about this weekend seemed to pan out right. First and foremost, I slept thru my alarm clock which went off at 9:00AM. On a normal day, I would usually get up when the alarm goes off. But not today. I literally slept thru it and when I woke up, it was already past 11AM. I hurriedly got into the shower, put on my clothes, fed the dog and jumped off to hail a cab so I can pick up my ticket at the PAL office in greenbelt. Much to my dismay, the guard just turned the signage "CLOSED" as I was about to open the door and he won't let me in... So, I hurriedly went to a nearby ticket reseller in Greenbelt 1, but alas! They won't issue one because it is supposed to be an e-ticket. Frantically, I dialled the reservations number, hoping to get an extension of my reservation so I can just pick up my ticket in the airport. I patiently waited for an agent for 30 minutes on the line, only to be cut off when someone actually picked up my call!!! I was already so desperate and several thoughts were running through my head...Is it the Lord telling me "you're never gonna be home this Christmas?" or is this just a practcal joke that the universe is trying to pull on me for drinking that Vanilla and White Chocolate Martini I had the night before....Uggh!

Luckily, Mark is still at home and he managed to get an extension for my ticket until 6PM that evening... Perfect, so if I go there at 5PM, it will be just in time for us to meet up after he finishes some stuff. So, in an attempt to celebrate my little victory, I gave myself a mini treat for lunch at the French Baker. While finishing up my tiramisu, I thought...what the hell am I going to do for the rest of the afternoon?!? Then I realized I owe myself a trip to the salon... After finishing up my yummmy dessert, I walked towards the better side of Ayala center, and crossed the street to 6750. When I got to the Kerastase Institute, I decided to have my hair and scalp scanned first so we can work on a treatment plan for me. When I asked how long it would take for the treatment, I was given an hour and a half. So I had my hair done, and also decided to get a manicure and pedicure afterwards. That leaves me until 4PM to finish everything. Unfortunately, time caught up with me and it was already 430 PM when we finished with the hair treatment... so I had to leave the manicure out for now, and just carry on with the pedicure. By 5PM, I was done and hurrying off to hail a cab for the airport. Mind you, Mark was already there waiting for me since he finished his school stuff earlier than expected.

When I got to the ticketing office, I hurriedly got my number from the guard and looked at the number they were servicing. I was number 67 and they are still on number 18!!! How am I going to beat the 6PM deadline. Again, my lifesaver and angel came up to me and gave me a number he picked for me... he got me #55... so I breathed a sigh of relief and waited a little bit. When I looked at my watch, it was already 5:45PM and there was absolutely no way that I will be able to get my ticket issued at 6PM. So I went up to a customer service officer and asked if they could lift the deadline... Good thing, the lady at the counter was kind enough to do it. So I patiently waited for an hour or so until finally, I saw my number flashing on the red box above the service desk...Hallelujiah!!! By 7PM we headed off to Dampa to meet with a Abz and his friend... For me, it was a treat for such a tiring day... Yuuuumm.. dinner was sooo good, we had crabs, tanigue, shrimps and all the seafood to eat! After dinner, we decided to go around BF, and grab dessert at Conti's.

Yuuuuuuumm...such a pleasant evening to compensate for a not so pleasant day. Well, at least I thought. On our way back to Makati, we decided to drop off Mark's car at home and ride with them back to the condo. As if we didn't have more than enough bad luck that day, we almost saw our lives flashing before us as we smacked down an 18-wheeler truck travelling at a speed of light, along the West Service Road, while exiting the village. I was literally shouting for my life!!! Like any typical accident, we wasted roughly around 3 hrs trying to get a police to help out. Only after an hour or so did someone arrive to sketch the accident. That was only after traffic has worsened in the service road and about to spill out to the expressway! I have everything to say about these police officers and government enforcers, but I would save that on another blog.

What I did learn from this incident however, is that perhaps, things happened for a reason and it could have been far worse had we left a little bit earlier or a little bit later. God indeed has an amazing way of making you realize how much he loves you, especially in times of adversity.

New career, new friends, new ME!

2005-11-09T12:03:00.000Z

Finally, I am on my third day officially working on NORMAL Manila-Philippines business hours. After 4 long years of working either the afternoon or evening shifts, I have finally come to find the opportunity that allows me to actually work on flex-time basis. Meaning, I get to experience TRAFFIC IN THE METRO!!! I can't believe I'm actually excited about that. Seriously though, I'm really excited about my new role.

I have decided to pursue a technical career path. I'll be doing a little bit of project management and vendor management, while being able to capitalize on my skills and acquire more along the way. If you ask me, I am inclined to think that I pretty much made the right choice. No admin stuff and people management to worry about = less stressful work.

So what can I say about my new environment? Well, there's a lot of things really new to me, some things I never even thought I could live with. First off, I have new colleagues and friends. I am relatively new so I'm adjusting and trying to blend in with the culture here. It's a little different from what I'm accustomed to, but I think I can blend in. Second, I have to come in business casual every single day! With that said, I have to buy loads of business clothes and do a little bit of clothes-pressing! *Ugh!* That's one of the chores I hate doing. Next, I can't come to work in slippers, which I used to do in my previous engagements! *huhuhu!* I pity my toes, I have to choke the living daylights out of them, wearing boots for 8-9 hours a day! Despite all that, I think I will get used to this new life ahead of me...

For now, I am still riding the waves of change. Come back and enjoy the rest of the ride with me!

For some strange reason.....

2005-10-13T19:41:00.000Z

I found myself picking up from where I left off with this blog. I don't know really. I knew I left it there but probably it was my subconscious telling me that one day, I will have the urge to write again. So here I am...getting my hands dirty on what is to be the rebirth of AMPLIFIED BREATHING...

Check back soon for more of my random musings...

The Ironies of Life

2005-09-01T14:32:00.000Z

Obviously, I am not happy dealing with Europeans. Not that I despise them totally. Mind you, I love Europe for its culture, traditions and the places you can go to...but i don't like their weather. and most of all, i looooaathe 100x some people I work with, especially those in the UK.

This blog will tell you why. Here are samples of European Lingo and what they really mean:

1. Be flexible = Cut your slack and carry on with my workload while I go get some tan.
2. You did a great job = But I can do better than that!
3. We are very willing to help = sure, call someone else.
4. Great stuff - go away, you might figure out i'm not doing anything!
5. We'll take care of this = sure, we'll manage this and order you around to do the dirty work.
6. We can complete this by so so date = if we can't, we'll pass it on to you so you get the beating.
7. I'm busy = I'm the boss, you're my slave
8. DND = I'm busy pretending to be busy so back off
9. Let's split the load = when you're done with yours, then you can do mine.
10. Fantastic! = now, I didn't know that!

isn't obvious i'm totally pissed off? I can't wait to see the day they are finally out of this company...and totally out of my life. No wonder I'm positive about everything else that my psychic has told me will happen not so long from now.

Your age by chocolate math

2005-08-31T18:13:00.000Z

Geeez, I wonder how it did it... but it just did and it's freaking mad really!!! You can try it to see for your self....

DON'T CHEAT!!! (There's really no thrill in that!!!) It takes less than a minute ....Work this out as you read ...Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .... If youhaven't, add 1754.
6. Now, subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number .

The first digit of this was your original number(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers areYOUR AGE!

Oh YES, it is!!!!! THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

--------------------- don't ask me how it did it! I have no clue!

common sense

2005-08-26T10:37:00.000Z

yes, that's just what it is. I think it is the most precious gift one could every ask for. God, bless the people who don't have the gift of common sense. Please let their existence be more meaningful.

google talk

2005-08-25T17:29:00.000Z

i had fun google talking today... all the wonders of I.T. it really does make the world seem smaller.

half-dreading tomorrow

2005-08-22T14:16:00.000Z

tomorrow i will find out if my future can afford me. i am half dreading to find out the verdict. like in a very nice movie, i hate to come to a point when it is my turn to decide. i am never good in making decisions. maybe because i hate to fail. or maybe because i think too much about the "what ifs" that I fail to see the real essence of why I had to make that decision. But like anything else, I just have to make one. whether it's something that will make me happy now, or whether it's something that will make me happy for the long term, I really don't know. What I do know is that I am praying for this decision.

cough! cough!

2005-08-22T06:29:00.000Z

what the hell is wrong with me? I've had this cough for 2 weeks now!!!! i think i need a maid. it's probably the dust that's killing me alive... but my house is soooooo damn clean. and my room is even cleaner. you know how OC i can get with just the slightest ball of hair that i see.

i feel a little better now. but not really good. i think one long weekend of rest and fun and shopping will cure this. hahahaha! i really wanna go to hongkong disneyland! freak, i'm turning 26 and i haven't seen mickey mouse yet! hahahahaha... so pathetic!